Sarah Palin's Family Seeks Intervention
Rambling Speech Proves She Is Finally Off Her Rocker
Posted on 2/14/2016 by Chops
Sarah Palin's family has finally decided to intervene after an incoherent speech that left her estranged from reality.
Palin recently endorsed Donald Trump, the anti-establishment darling that has taken the conservative fringe by storm. Sarah, in a stroke of questionable judgement, decided to lend her support with an incoherent speech that left the world wondering what brands of hard liquor she enjoyed.
She regurgitated all of the conservative hits, from drill-baby-drill to Obamacare repeals, but in a stream-of-consciousness format that disregarded things like pacing, grammar, and English in general.
"It's a sad situation," said her husband, Todd Palin. "Usually, she just says dimwitted things in a funny accent for ratings, but this was entirely different. It's like the hamster wheel in her head spun off the mount and destroyed the room."
"I don't even know her anymore," said her daughter, Bristol Palin. "We used to bond over our mutual hypocrisy, but I can't even talk about responsible conservative values without her launching into rants about cake."
The family seemed sullen during the interview, even when offered refreshments. After a few rounds of gentle prodding, they agreed to discuss plans for treatment. They will slowly introduce Sarah to sources of wisdom, like dictionaries and history books, in hopes that the injection of facts will reduce swelling.
"We hope she will respond well," Todd said. "The re-introduction to reality will be a slow and painful process. But, she's a strong and capable lunatic, so we have high hopes."
We reached out to Donald Trump for comment, because why not. He responded with support, saying that her treatment will be "Yuuuuge. The best treatment in the history of treatments. I mean, look at me. I'm the best. I have the best people. I'm a winner with the best food and the best suits."
Our reporter walked away after 30 minutes of gratuitous self-praise, but managed to count 236 "best" references before throwing in the towel.