Midterm Democratic Donkey Punch Offensive to Donkey Enthusiasts
Posted on 11/7/2014 by Chops
Democrats have suffered a humiliating defeat at the 2014 Midterm Elections, losing control of... well, everything.
Many are calling it a complete embarrassment, a colossal shellacking, a buck-naked dance party on the grave of the Democratic Party.
Here at The Herrington Post, we have been calling it the Democratic Donkey Punch.
It seemed fitting to our reporters, who have been using the awesomely awesome phrase since before the actual Midterm Elections.
We asked Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell about the now infamous DDP, but he just stared at us with sleepy eyes while munching on a head of victory lettuce.
Much to our delight, the phrase has caught on with the Republican base.
''DDP motherfuckers!'' exclaimed an overly joyous and still very orange John Boehner, current Speaker of the United States House of Representatives.
''I do love me a good donkey punch,'' noted an obviously confused Sarah Palin.
Unfortunately, People United for Donkeys (PUD) has voiced their opposition to the phrase. The organization has publicly denounced its use, citing offensive contexts.
''Donkeys are beautiful creatures,'' says one PUD member. ''We feel they should be celebrated as such and not depicted as being skull-fucked by elephants.''
We tried to get more comments, but couldn't stop laughing.
For more on donkey punching, we advise that you Google ''donkey punch''. It's a very enlightening and educational topic that is sure to make you a better voter.