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Wednesday, June 19, 2019
Football Diving World Series Kicks Off in Barcelona
Posted by Chops
A Football Diving World Series competitor practicing his form.

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Barcelona has kicked off the first annual Football Diving World Series.

Diving, also known as "simulation" in the emotionless world of FIFA, has become so commonplace and so lucrative that players have elevated the skill to new levels. Offensive players are often seen flopping around on the ground in seemingly unbearable pain due to a defensive player breathing on them a little too hard. This is of course meant to trick the referee into awarding a free kick or penalty.

The Fédération Internationale de Natation (FINA, the International Swimming Federation) has taken notice and decided to hold a world competition. The end result is the first annual Football Diving World Series.

"Barcelona was the obvious choice," notes FINA President Julio Maglione. "It is home to notable divers like Sergio Busquets of FC Barcelona."

Competition is expected to be fierce, as it will showcase expert divers like Ashley Young, Luis Suarez, and Arjen Robben (a heavy favorite).

The competition will feature players tripping over imaginary defenders in an empty 18-yard box. Dives will be graded on creativity, manipulation, and general douchebaggery.

"My money is on Robben," says almost everyone in the world. "The guy has the diving acumen of a young Greg Louganis."

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