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Bill Gates Clone Army Seeks World Domination
Posted by Chops
Updated photo of Eugene Czolij, public name of Bill Gates clone #376.

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Bill Gates is amassing an army of clones hell-bent on world domination.

His super secret plan was discovered when an undated photo was uncovered of Eugene Czolij, commonly known in the Microsoft Cloning Division as #376. In said photo, he is giving a passionate Hitler-like speech, which we can only assume is addressing the clone army about their world takeover.

Eugene Czolij cleverly disguises itself as a Canadian lawyer and President of the Ukrainian World Congress. We reached out to the UWC about their Bill Gates clone infiltration, but they refused to take the threat seriously. In fact, they simply hung up after a long awkward pause.

It is widely speculated that Bill Gates' selfless philanthropy through organizations like the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation is merely a cover for his growing clone army. Bill himself, or merely an unnumbered clone, makes regular appearances at strategic posts like world health conferences and universities. We fear that these are maneuvering tactics in preparation for the overthrow of all world governments.

Bill, along with his wife Melinda, have been seeking to eradicate malaria. We suspect this is due to Bill's desire to subjugate as many humans as possible.

It is not known yet how many Bill Gates clones are roaming the Earth. Our experts estimate that there are currently upwards of 10,000, with the Microsoft Cloning Division churning out more Bills daily.

Once the official takeover is announced, we will report on their demands. We assume these will include the mandatory use of Internet Explorer and a blanket ban on apples. We also vow to work diligently with Microsoft in order to secure exclusive broadcasting rights.

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