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Emo Llamas Destroying Traditional American Values
Posted by Chops
Look at that fuzzy bastard with his emo punk rock hair style. It's godless heathens like this who are destroying traditional American values.

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As we are all well aware, things we don't fully understand continue to destroy our preconceived notion of traditional values. Case in point: we are now being subjected to liberal emo llamas and their punk rock hair styles. When will the madness end?

A very sweet and moderately racist grandmother first discovered the llamas parading themselves down her rural Nebraska street. She called her local Animal Control about the issue, who concluded that the llamas have every right to express themselves, but will be returned to their owner's pasture.

''It's obscene,'' the grandmother told us. ''Livestock these days think they own everything. They chew their cud loudly day and night. They just wander around aimlessly in grassy fields not looking for jobs. All they do is eat, sleep, and not go to church. They spit in your face when you try to learn them some manners. They're vile creatures I say, vile! I don't want them in my neighborhood.''

She continued on for several minutes weaving a tangled web of incoherent racism and homophobia.

''This world would be a much better place without so many llamas in it,'' she concluded.

We reached out to one of the llamas in question, who's disgust with the grandmother's reaction prompted it to growl and spit in our faces. When asked whether or not their liberal llama agenda was destroying America, each responded with a subsequent growl and spit to the face.

Tension between the conservative elderly and liberal llamas remains at a fever pitch with no signs of resolve. The current cultural climate is obviously shifting in the llamas' favor, much to the elder's dismay. Might we live to see a progressive llama president? Only time will tell.

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