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Wednesday, June 19, 2019
Inside Ferretianism, a Giant Purple Banjo Playing Ferret
Posted by Chops
A visual approximation of Finn the Destroyer of Worlds, the one true deity and centerpiece of Ferretian worship.

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The end is apparently nigh. According to BanjoFerret.com, a highly alarming and equally compelling website, the world will come to a violet end on March 30st, 2020 at the hands of a giant purple banjo playing ferret.

Devoutly religious groups across the globe are giving heed to this prediction and are understandably concerned. Our staff of religious scholars have researched the Ferretian religion and have come to one inescapable conclusion: it seems legit. The world will indeed end in the year 2018.

Ferretianism boasts that it is the one true religion and that all others are stupid and wrong. Since this is the very first religion to do something so arrogant, we can only deduce that they are right.

Ferretians worship Tim the Destroyer of Worlds, a giant purple banjo playing ferret. He is the creator of all things and the one true deity. When the world ends, non-believers will be cast into the Pit of Despair to be devoured by flaming demon marmots for all of eternity. True believers will be transported via purple energy bubbles to a new galaxy to continue the human race. Again, seems legit.

The Herrington Post recently caught up with the Ferretian Ultimate Cardinal Knight (FUCK), supreme leader of the religion and Finn's official conduit. We shared a delightful conversation about fine wine and whale sharks. His superhero like charm convinced us that Finn the Destroyer of Worlds is indeed worthy of unquestioning worship.

So now it seems that us Omicrons are Ferretians. We shall use The Herrington Post to push our religious agenda of purple prejudice. Repent or be cast into the Pit of Despair! Or not, whatever.

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